Category : Coaching

EXAMINE YOUR MOTIVE BEFORE YOU COMMIT

• February 17, 2021
• coach

They just left the coffee shop. Walking side by side. Ken could not believe Kayla was finally his, he kept whispering to himself “l can’t believe she is mine”. Kayla on the other hand kept resisting what she felt and whispered to herself “please don’t make me fall in love with you”.

It doesn’t matter what Ken believed or what Kayla resisted they were officially a dating couple.

Three years down the line they decided to make a marriage commitment. Ken was 24years old, Kayla was 22, they were pretty young but madly in love and made a promise to stick together until death do them part.

On the 10^th of April 2020 they celebrated their 10th year anniversary. They had planned to make it grand but due to the pandemic they limited their celebration to family members and inner circle of friends. The venue was decorated in turquoise blue and wine red. The couple and their 3 beautiful children were jovial and danced their heart out, the guests were astonished at how close, happy and intimate the couple become. I could hear one of the guest whisper to a friend saying “this is a thriving couple; this is how a marriage should look like”.

Ken had just turned 34, he was the envy of his peers, his dignity as a man was visible, beautiful wife, beautiful home, lovely children and the list is endless…… Kayla had just turned 32 she was the centre of attraction, a good wife, mother of 3, a professional, the envy of every woman.

The day that marked their huge milestone in their relationship and marriage is the day that marked their separation and divorce. It was all a façade; they had lived in a platonic relationship for the past 7 years.

Do you remember when Ken whispered “I can’t believe she is mine?”. Ken was raised in a dysfunctional family, he never had or owned anything that he considered his…Kayla was his first precious gift and he vowed to shield her with everything he had not knowing that his idealistic expectations of her resulted to a form of micromanagement that drew Kayla away from him.

Do you remember when Kayla whispered “please don’t make me fall in love with you” Kayla was raised in a toxic family and the only person she could easily relate to was her father. When she turned 6 years old she lost her father to a car accident and a big void was left in her heart with no one to turn. When she met Ken she had an unconscious desire to fill the void her father left and subconsciously wanted Ken to become everything in her life. Her attachment and emotional instability drew Ken away from her.

None of them could stand the other, their house was full of abuse and silent war.

Just like Ken and Kayla. l challenge you to look within yourself, could it be that you entered that relationship or marriage trying to fill a void or running away from an unhealthy environment? Could it be that you have unresolved conflicts within you from early childhood experiences that manifest in your relationship or marriage causing tension?

Before you commit to that relationship or marriage step back and examine your motivate.

Remember help is a phone call away.

YOUR MIND IS A GARDEN

• February 3, 2021
• coach

A story is told of American sailors who travelled to China and on their arrival they came across a Chinese tattoo shop. Out of curiosity they decided to walk inside the shop and came across a tattoo written “BORN TO FAIL”. One of the sailors asked the Chinese shop attendant loudly “DO PEOPLE TATOO THIS ON THEIR BODY?”. The male Chinese shop attendant responded in a broken English and said “YES, BEFORE TATTOOED ON THE BODY, TATTOOED IN THE MIND”.

His response immediately reminded me of Gilbert, 5feet 4inches, moderately pigmented brown skin, soft spoken, 38 years of age, a father of one, husband, go getter, an outgoing person, a life of the party, a civil engineer by profession.

Gilbert is a land owner, property owner, an entrepreneur, a sought after civil engineer having worked with different governmental and non-governmental organizations. I believe if you had an opportunity to meet Gilbert and see the type of work he has done over the years, you would not hesitate to offer him a new contract if and when in a position to.

GRATITUDE JAR

• October 11, 2020
• coach

I waited eagerly for this day to come as a groom would her bride on their wedding day.

It was a pleasant and rare Saturday, the sun expressed its masculine side (not too bright, not too dull just the perfect temperature for a date). l wore my short, sleeveless, mustard yellow dress. My hair was well plaited, my finger and toe nails were well done, l had fuchsia gel on my fingers and snow white gel on my toe nails. All over me was the smell of a fresh bouquet of flowers, l was all set for the date.

Little did l know that this wasn’t a real date but an opportunity to add to my Gratitude Jar, l had just returned home from my first speaking engagement where my name was against the title ‘KEYNOTE SPEAKER’ It was my Stellar moment I was both humbled and proud.

SELF-INDUCED OBSTACLES

• August 5, 2020
• coach

It will shock some of you to find out that l struggled to find the right title for this blog.

It will please the rest of you to find out why l settled on this title, as you read along and relate to it. Just like me, you have either knowingly or unknowingly placed obstacles in your life that have held you back.

Obstacles are challenges in life that make us nervous or upset, they can be true or false. Those that are true appear as solid hindrances they can be internal or external. Those that are false appear as self-limiting beliefs they can also be internal or external.

According to Mike Bundrant on blogs.psychcentral.com self-sabotage is among the top 3 universal cause of human suffering, the most pernicious of the obstacles in life as most of what makes us feel bad is self-inflicted.

He asserts, and l quote. “We are often quick to interpret the negative and hang onto it. We stew in it. We cannot just let it go. While this is far from necessary, it is habitual”.

MY HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE IN PUBLIC SPEAKING

• Patricia
• May 31, 2020
• coach

He walked confidently down the aisle and went straight to the lectern; I looked at him with my eyes wide open. My heart kept beating faster and faster… I kept thinking, “Who is this drop dead gorgeous young man and what does he have to offer?” He looked at the audience with mesmerized eyes and smiled, chin high, shoulder high, hands on the side, well-groomed and ready for takeoff.

As soon as the cordless microphone was handed over to him, he began his 30 minutes speech on a high. His diction, vocal variety, body language and content was a force to reckon with. I forgot what it meant to blink. My heart stopped beating for a second! I wanted to listen to him repeatedly. He made me embark on a journey of self-discovery. Before I knew it, I heard the moderator invite the next speaker by the name Patricia. My ears heard what he said, but I could not believe my ears… What would you have me say after such an eloquent man had spoken? I sluggishly dragged myself up the seat, walked confidently yet inwardly intimidated to the lectern. 

DON’T GET TOO COMFORTABLE

• Patricia
• May 31, 2020
• coach

Finding employment has never been easy, but once you find a place of work, you closely cling on to it because you never know when the next door will open for greener pastures, which in time makes us too dependent and comfortable on employment and the benefits that come with it.

I am not against employment at all; on the contrary, I am among the majority that believe employers do an excellent job by training employees on several skills that help them in life, sustaining cash flow in many families and the list of benefits is endless. What I am against is most of us becoming too comfortable and losing ourselves or losing focus in life concerning what we were created to do as we focus more on employment and the benefits that lay therein.

Whenever an employment opportunity comes, most of us, if not all, do a critical analysis on the pros and cons and mostly, we take up a position based on our personal projections in life.  It then becomes a springboard to our dreams.

PERSONAL LEADERSHIP

• Patricia
• May 31, 2020
• coach

We all begin life guided by the views, beliefs, experiences, expectations and advice of others. However, as we grow physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, financially and socially, we begin to create our own belief systems, which may sometimes be or not be in line with societal expectations. 

According to Sigmund Freud’s model of the Psyche (Id, Ego and Superego), we begin to form our complete personality in order to be self-reliant. It is of paramount importance for us to make our own decisions about what we believe, what our convictions are, and what we value in life. The system of the world has taught us to act primarily on the viewpoints and sentiments of others, which make us slowly, lose our voice.

For instance, the companies we work for, the social clubs we are part of, and the organizations we associate with have firm values. We therefore work so hard to try to live out their values yet we ourselves do not have personal values that we live by. Are we being serious?

YOU’VE GOT TO REGENERATE YOUR DREAMS

• Patricia
• May 31, 2020
• coach

Have you ever got to a point in life where you constantly find yourself reflecting and asking yourself candid questions about your life?

Where are you? Where you would wish to be? Where had you planned to be? 

Most of us if not all, at one point or another got used to writing down our annual goals; some went steps further and spread the goal to five years or more, which is quite impressive.

My only concern is:

1. How many of us follow our dreams through to the end?
2. How many of us are diligent, intentional and have purposed to work out their dreams continuously?
3. Do we even review them?
4. Do we even remember where we jotted them down?
5. Do we have them off head or at our fingertips?

STEP INTO IT

• Patricia
• May 31, 2020
• coach

More often than not in the quest to find purpose, one aspect of our life is often hit the most. It could be financial, emotional, or physical and we struggle to find balance.

While trying to step into purpose, I have gone through several roller coaster seasons. These were repeated seasons when I bellowed in pain, cried my heart out, told God I’m not fit for the fight, reminded Him of my weaknesses, pointed out to Him a few people that I thought would best fit the role, cried out because of lack of finances, health issues and more worries at the time.

A few years ago while working in Germany as an au pair Madchen “female domestic assistant”, I developed a complication that tied me down in pain for 9 months. During the same period, my father died and I was unable to come back home in Kenya to bury him. I could not afford air ticket back home. At the same time, God allowed me to be in the midst of people who abused me mentally and emotionally, but He strengthened me in the process. 

BALCONY MOMENTS

• Patricia
• May 31, 2020
• coach

The ultimate responsibility for success or failure in your life lays entirely on you as an individual. That is why you always need to be healthy mentally, emotionally and physically to be of help to self and others.

John, (not his real name) my friend, suffered from being a perfectionist years back. He is a very good organizer and has a second, third and fourth eye at it. He also pays close attention to details. Just like many good organizers, John suffered from a disease called “inability to delegate”.

One day, his system shut down and he had to be confined to his house for a period of two months. The doctors advised bed and mind rest. You can imagine how hard this was for a workaholic!