EXAMINE YOUR MOTIVE BEFORE YOU COMMIT
They just left the coffee shop. Walking side by side. Ken could not believe Kayla was finally his, he kept whispering to himself “l can’t believe she is mine”. Kayla on the other hand kept resisting what she felt and whispered to herself “please don’t make me fall in love with you”.
It doesn’t matter what Ken believed or what Kayla resisted they were officially a dating couple.
Three years down the line they decided to make a marriage commitment. Ken was 24years old, Kayla was 22, they were pretty young but madly in love and made a promise to stick together until death do them part.
On the 10th of April 2020 they celebrated their 10th year anniversary. They had planned to make it grand but due to the pandemic they limited their celebration to family members and inner circle of friends. The venue was decorated in turquoise blue and wine red. The couple and their 3 beautiful children were jovial and danced their heart out, the guests were astonished at how close, happy and intimate the couple become. I could hear one of the guest whisper to a friend saying “this is a thriving couple; this is how a marriage should look like”.
Ken had just turned 34, he was the envy of his peers, his dignity as a man was visible, beautiful wife, beautiful home, lovely children and the list is endless…… Kayla had just turned 32 she was the centre of attraction, a good wife, mother of 3, a professional, the envy of every woman.
The day that marked their huge milestone in their relationship and marriage is the day that marked their separation and divorce. It was all a façade; they had lived in a platonic relationship for the past 7 years.
Do you remember when Ken whispered “I can’t believe she is mine?”. Ken was raised in a dysfunctional family, he never had or owned anything that he considered his…Kayla was his first precious gift and he vowed to shield her with everything he had not knowing that his idealistic expectations of her resulted to a form of micromanagement that drew Kayla away from him.
Do you remember when Kayla whispered “please don’t make me fall in love with you” Kayla was raised in a toxic family and the only person she could easily relate to was her father. When she turned 6 years old she lost her father to a car accident and a big void was left in her heart with no one to turn. When she met Ken she had an unconscious desire to fill the void her father left and subconsciously wanted Ken to become everything in her life. Her attachment and emotional instability drew Ken away from her.
None of them could stand the other, their house was full of abuse and silent war.
Just like Ken and Kayla. l challenge you to look within yourself, could it be that you entered that relationship or marriage trying to fill a void or running away from an unhealthy environment? Could it be that you have unresolved conflicts within you from early childhood experiences that manifest in your relationship or marriage causing tension?
Before you commit to that relationship or marriage step back and examine your motivate.
Remember help is a phone call away.
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